AS OF 2:33PM, A PAIR OF PLAID RED ALIFES AND A PAIR OF CANVAS BLUE NIKES ARE SITTING ON THE GRASS in front of my mayoral compound at 3757 Westwood Blvd., just north of Venice. I got tired of looking at them. This has nothing to do with the fact that my girlfriend hates the red "Christmas shoes" or that my sisters cheerleaded their purchase and have been laughing at them ever since. They're a little gang-related, so I can't be held liable for subsequent attempts on your life should you decide to come pick them up. That is, of course, assuming they're still there as of 2:37pm, and Jesse the Parking Lot King isn't wearing some fashionable new footwear with unreasonably long laces that don't match anything you try to wear with them.

UPDATE (4:07pm): Nikes gone. Christmas shoes still available.

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