I HATE WASTING TIME MORE THAN MOST THINGS. Longtime Palms Weekend readers may recall all my stories about being drunk before lunch on weekdays and doubt the veracity of this statement, but freeform time is vital to my process. Hemingway I'm not; half a beer and I can't write for shit. But ideas fall out the sky, which I jot down to revisit back on Earth. It's obviously also arguable that I need to stop coming up with more ideas I don't have, and start taking the ones I do have somewhere special. So, before I spend the next year continuing to post blogs and cross my fingers as a marketing strategy, lets see if we can't ramp up traffic to this here Palms Weekend some.

Taking advice from one of those Compuserve-era how-to sites featuring stars twinkling in the background and spelling mistakes only Russians make, I spent a couple of hours submitting the Palms Weekend to Google, Yahoo, and a bunch of cut-rate search engines with names like Burf and BufuList until I imagined one of my web programmer friends smacking me in the back of the head for wasting my fucking time. Thereafter, I came across a program boasting a $29.95 price tag that supposedly submits each post across the web automatically, which I then stole on Demonoid. I'm going to guinea-pig the program with this post, which I have cunningly laden with references to the most popular search phrases of the day (Justin Bieber and "Lost"), and, of course, the undisputed kings of the Internet: dogs and babies. I've also submitted my blog to blog rank site Technorati, which requires me to post a code for site verification. So, here it is. YNX8E6NM7ADN

Until now, commenters received my rapt attention. Now you'll be lucky if I even notice your puny comment amongst the deluge of replies from sexually frustrated Indian men, spambots and 800-lb women trapped in their homes. My post picture is a dog dressed as a baby, goddamnit. I hope Blogspot's servers are strong.

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