This one had been on the tip of my tongue (pause) for almost a day when it hit me like a weird smell from under the fridge, and I remained pathetically happy about my epiphany until I noticed one of my favorite people had posted a Drake video on his Facebook page.

You think you know someone.

In an age where health websites will claim obesity promotes better eyesight if it'll send a few chubby fingers fumbling for 'refresh', it's almost impossible to be plain old right anymore. Gone are the days when only white people made up facts. Everyone's got their own now. Shortly after someone I met in a bar tried to argue that the Twin Towers never fell, I decided to stop trying to be right and settle for funny. I've pretty much sworn off conversations in general, unless they're about things that can't be argued about, in which case there's no point talking about them. People love to ask me who's to blame for the Israel/Palestine conflict since I look like I'm wearing a badger on my head, to which I say "it's war", shrug, and order another Anchor Steam. What do I know about the Israel/Palestine conflict? I live in Culver City.

I haven't been this right about something since I said that gladiator sandals make women look like ancient Greek philosophers, so I'm understandably chuffed about my Morgan Freeman revelation. When MGM gets wind of this they're going to instantly start work on the movie starring Freeman as said fictional animal, and I'm going to instantly sue for as many zeroes as they can fit on a check. I'm posting the answer tomorrow. Post guesses in the comment section; the winner gets two free drinks this Friday at Saints & Sinners. Generic liquor and pronounceable beers only.

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