This Just In: Sum Doesn't Miss Douchebags At Saints

The spirit of Marc Mark Marque

Sum here.

I really don’t know who that guy is, but when you do an image search for “Real Live Douchebag”, his picture comes up. That fool looks like an ashy ketchup packet.

I’m googling real live douchebags because it’s fun to do at work. But also, because I was looking for an image that would capture the spirit of a dickhead named Mark (or Marque, or Marc) that haunts Saints and Sinners on the occasional Friday night. This is a man in his late 40s who works in the music industry in various capacities and claims to know everyone who has ever made music. When I was DJing there regularly, he’d do all kinds of strange shit like tell me he could put me in the studio with some German producer with millions of dollars. He’d request really fucked up songs, then tip me with a rolled up $10 bill coated in fresh cocaine crumblings. He’d stand behind me in the DJ booth and mimic my movements. If I breathed in deep, he’d breath in really deep and loud. If I scratched my beard, he’d stroke his chin. He was always drunk as hell, and his breath smelled like a flaming roach nest.

Namedropping is his main thing.

Couple weekends ago, I covered for Malkajames, who continues to take lightly my ‘how to avoid a hangover’ advice. Of course Mark Marque Marc is there, standing next to the booth ready to rub my shoulder, nod off-beat to 'some of the hip-hop' and other douchebaggery. About an hour into my set, he requests that I play a CD of his artist. His pitch is that I’ll be the first DJ in LA to play her shit. My pitch is that I’m not a DJ, so I could care less. He moves on to then tell me for the next five songs that he “worked on this song”. Pet Shop Boys, David Bowie, and a bunch of other classic 80s shit. “Oh yeh, I worked on West End Girls.” After a light investigation, turns out buddy was like an 80s key grip and Bowie’s woodshop intern.

Saints, I love you. But I’m glad I aint DJing there every week no more. My tolerance for Mark Marque Marc types is almost non-existent.

See you Friday…on the other side of the laptop.

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