Coffee company name strategically greyed out. I don't wanna give anyone free advertising. Especially Coffee Bean.

WOKE UP BRAINDEAD THANKS TO LAST NIGHT'S MOJITO OVERLOAD at Bamboo and hadn't a clue what to write about, so I went out for fried chicken and black coffee instead. Now I know what to write about. My more sage-burninger Facebook friends might say that's an example of Letting Life Guide Me. I just hope Life isn't Guiding Me to a triple artery bypass. Then again, that would make for an interesting post. I wonder if the surgeons will let me use my Blackberry during the operation.

Fried chicken and black coffee first met in my mouth last year, when the smell from the Ralphs deli overpowered me during one of my morning trips to the Coffee Bean that used to be inside the Culver Plaza branch across Venice (see Coffee Up). FC&BC signify the elusive union of crunchy and soupy, my two favorite food adjectives. They fill you up without the food coma, and I always welcome even one less battle with the Norse god of Itis, my mortal enemy since childhood. Countless are the nights I laid in bed as a lad, pale and naked, gasping for consciousness as kebab meat engorged my very soul. Fried chicken and coffee is my Renaissance. Plus, it's cheap as hell.

Ralphs chicken is a little wet for my taste. Popeyes in New Orleans is high cuisine, but my last piece of chicken at Popeyes on Hollywood and Cahuenga tasted like a deep fried wallet. Pioneer Chicken gave me the only meal I've thrown away in my entire life. KFC is fashionable to poo-poo nowadays but I'll take an extra crunchy two-piece over most gourmet dinners. Plus, my mom's boyfriend looks kind of like Colonel Sanders. I'm a thigh man - more crevices, more crunch. Starbucks coffee is a little tarter than most, which compliments the salt. Take a bite of chicken, hold it in your mouth while you sip some coffee, swoosh it around in your mouth like you're in Napa Valley, then try not to fall to your knees as starbursts of taste sensations dazzle your eyesight with each furtive chewing motion. Then definitely go brush your tongue.

Saints & Sinners tonight! 10899 Venice Blvd., between Overland and Sepulveda. I'm on ten pee em to one forty-five ay em. No cover. Strong drinks. Good music. Good people. Come get human again.

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