how to make PALMBO.

WE BACHELORS ALL HAVE OUR OWN NAMES FOR THE MEAL WE end up with when we throw all the old food in our fridge into a frying pan before it has the chance to maim loved ones. I call mine 'palmbo', a hybrid of 'Palms' and 'gumbo', which, like palmbo, is soupy and fishy. Plus, I had gumbo file in the spice cabinet. You don't need my ingredients; the glory of palmbo is all in the application. But here they are for posterity:

salt (2 mm of blood pressure's worth)

potatoes (I dunno, a couple)

tomato (1)

spinach (some)

tinned herrings (1)

garlic (tons)

olive oil

chicken broth

turmeric

chili flakes

gumbo file

limes (a few)

sun-dried tomatoes

bella mushrooms (according to Pudge, they're supposed to look old and nasty. Not sure if they're supposed to be partially uncovered for three days though)

alcohol (to keep the cook entertained, and in case the palmbo disappoints)

• Bung the potatoes in a pot of water and throw it on high. Get on Facebook.
• When you start to feel pathetic, log off and check the potatoes, which are nowhere near done. Crush the garlic. Now it's not a wasted trip.
• Actually, go ahead and get all your ingredients out of the fridge and ready to cook now, because by the time those potatoes are ready you're going to be grandma-stabbingly hungry and every second will count.
• Wash the mushrooms. Look at them, squinting suspiciously. Wash them again.
• Throw the mushrooms in a pan with the crushed garlic and some olive oil on high. Meanwhile, cut the tomato in half and throw under the stove in the broiler pan with some olive oil on it, since your sister Franky used all your tin foil. Turn the heat high on the broiler and pan until you realize they're both gonna be ready way before those FACKING potatoes at this rate, then turn both off.
• When you're confident the potatoes are soft enough for consumption, or when you don't care anymore, turn the pan back on and add the spinach. Meanwhile, open the tin of herrings. Don't bother trying to dodge the herring water that will get all over your clothes when you open the tin. Nobody ever has and you won't be the first. Add herrings and herring water to the pan.
• Say fuck it (out loud, not just in your head) and throw everything else in the pan, then season to taste. Don't be shy with the chicken broth. Any problem, just throw salt, limes, and garlic at it.
• Take a shower or have your current outfit dry cleaned, depending on angle and severity of herring water runoff.