Poll: Roshsum vs. Brolic Whippet Rossum

Palms Weekenders, meet Wendy. Her breed is whippet. You can read more about her here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-467985/Meet-Incredible-Hulk-Hounds.html

James and I have a strange fascination with dogs. This preoccupation with man's best friend most likely stems back to a glorious magic 'shroom trip we took back in the year 2003 deep in the heart of Brooklyn at the historic Fort Green Park. In short, the sun was setting, the shrooms were settling, and off in the distance we saw a strange red light zipping through the park. This light was attached to a small beast. The beast was low to the ground....low enough to be a rat. However, it had the sleekness, grace and stealth of a possum. We called it a Rossum. The Rossum was a marvelous thing to wonder at.....why attach a flashing light to it? Why is it in a sweater? Is there a bell on the ankles? The word "rossum" is much more than just a nickname for dogs....it's a moniker that signifies the odd relationships that people have with dogs.

Since then, every canine bears the royal crest of Rossum in our eyes, and you can't tell us shit different.

I love dogs and animals as much, if not more, than the next man. Always have. However, some folks go overboard..and you know who you are. I don't want to see a glamour shot of Russell and Patches over your fireplace or catch you feeding them Alaskan-shipped eagle-meat, while you bus your children to a crappy school and pump them full of sugar before bed.

If your dog is fat, I hate you.

But I digress. The point of the matter is this. Every once in a while, James and I will exchange interesting Rossum images, articles and other paraphanalia. Yesterday, he hits me with Wendy.

This bitch has a genetic condition that gave her double the muscle in certain areas of her body. She looks pretty mean, but apparently is quite sweet and prefers to move slow. She'll probably also die prematurely, because her heart is not strong enough to feed all those muscles with enough blood or carry all that weight around. She has a super-whippet body, but alas only a regular whippet heart.

My question is, quite simply...do you think I could whoop this dog's ass?

I would never harm a dog that wasn't attacking me or my family. But if I came across Wendy, and we were both hungry with no options, something's goin' down. That's at least two solid weeks of eatin' on her bones, especially if we were in an icy climate where I could store the Whippet meat, or somewhere with plenty of salt to preserve her fresh flesh. I already have a strategy for how I would beat her.

First of all, I don't care how muscular you are, overweight is overweight. And if you're overweight, you don't stand a chance against me, unless you're bigger than me, have Down's Syndrome, or you are a wildcat. This dog couldn't even turn around fast enough to catch my sidestep. By then, it would be too late, because I would have already grabbed that bitch by her hindlegs, swung her around a few times and let her go flying into the nearest tree. Fight over.

But I'm not trying to sway any votes, I'm just openly brainstorming here.

Totally interested in your thoughts.

Peace, Love and Whippet Meat.