why?
CITY PLANNING IS A CURIOUS THING. The fact that any city can function on any level, even somewhere as fundamentally fucked as Calcutta, or say, Upland, is a testament to the wonders of the human brain. Judging by the evidence, people in olden times couldn't figure out how to treat a broken arm without chopping it off, but they had relatively little issue planning, funding, organizing and executing the creation of a damn city, with homes and streets and parks, and years later with electricity and trash pickup and LA Xpress vending machines on every corner. I'm still amazed that the average building doesn't just collapse a week after it's built. Do I have low expectations?
Alas, with humanity's triumphs come its failures, part and parcel. Granted, in most any situation a minority of flaws are impossible to avoid completely, people being slightly stupid and the world being something slightly stupid people run. But I'm talking about easily avoidable errors - in this case, confusing street names. Looking over a street map of Los Angeles, one can imagine our founding fathers clustered around a table in a candlelit room in the wee hours of the morning, ink dripping from a quivering quill as they assigned name after name to all the streets that play host to our lives. One can also quite literally point to the exact areas where George Washington pulled the flask of whiskey out from under his wig, took a heroic swig, grimaced slightly, and slurred the words "fack it, name this one after me too."
I am referring, of course, to the quandary of Washington Boulevard and Washington Place, two major streets in Culver City that are parallel and not more than five blocks away from each other even at their furthest points. As it is, Culver City already looks like its chief architect was the guy from Memento, so when you put the two factors together you end up with the scene that plays out many times daily: cars full of people driving around in circles as they frantically re-Google directions and curse the sunny skies.
So I have taken the liberty (thank you George Washington!) of penning the petition below. I would list reasons why I think we should replace Washington Place instead of Washington Boulevard, but after fifteen years of living here I still don't know which is which. I vote we keep the Washington with all the Mexican spots on it. Whichever one that is. If you agree, please post CO-SIGN in the comments section. Suggestions for a replacement street name are also welcome.
DEAR CULVER CITY,
I'm tired of looking stupid in front of my friends when looking for an address on the two Washingtons. Please rename whichever Washington it is that is all apartment buildings asap. Actually, I don't know anyone who lives there so just bulldoze it if you have to. The other Washington has some really good mom 'n pop Mexican restaurants that would get a lot more business if we could just fucking find them. And they always have the good salsa with the big tomato chunks and sometimes they'll even sell you some beer if you know a little Spanish. Please remedy this problem. I just want some tacos.
Sincerely,
____________________
Co-Sign. Rojeanne Dunn
ReplyDeletemaybe they can rename it 'washyerbum'.
oh, man this is so true. I'll never forget when I first moved here and I called the DMV LIVID because I was at their exact address on Washington and there was no such DMV. She just kept saying "maam, I can assure you you would notice the building. It is covered in a space themed mural. You must be at the wrong location"
ReplyDelete