Facebook...What the hell happened

Ok, is it just me, or did Facebook just start randomly blowin' up in the last few months?

I opened a Facebook account back when I lived in NYC, so that was almost three years ago. I opened it, saw nobody was on there and went back to Myspacin'.

Then I opened it in December for the first time since 2006, and everybody's switching profile pics, updating, linking, IM'ing, and other forms Facebookery.

Myspace is as dead as the skin on my big toe. How did that happen? I logged in every day. Now I log in once a week... I put some thought into it and here's a few reasons

WHY FACEBOOK IS KILLIN' SHIT RIGHT NOW AND MYSPACE AINT:

1-Fuck your band and the flyers you rode in on.
I'm a musician, and I'm sick of Myspace musicians. Ironically, MySpace was created for fans and bands to connect...that's the whole purpose of it. But for at least the past year, I've had a problem with the incessant promotion that goes on on MySpace. First of all, if you are one of 10,000 bands promoting an event in Southwest DickWrinkle, Wyoming, there's no way you can stand out in the crowd. I, for one, am paranoid about getting lost in anybody's shuffle. I am far too talented, unique and outstanding to get lost in anybody's shuffle. On MySpace, that is exactly what happens, no matter who you are. You become one of many. And I am all but that. I am Sum.

On Facebook, the fact that you are a musician comes secondary to the fact that you are a person. Which falls right in line with my philosophy of music promotion. If people don't have any interest in you as a person, why the fuck would they spend money on your new album. By the way, your album just so happens to sound like a humming chimp spreading vaseline on his chest.

Even if your music is good, every good marketer knows that human interest rules all else.


2. Fuck all your MySpace page graphics.
The sun-red horned giraffe in headphones spinning a record on a turntable graphic that serves as the background for your page was dope. In 2004. We're over it now. Nobody can read all that shit on your MySpace page, it looks horrible and I can't get to the point fast enough. Beyond being really gay, your flying pixie-dust GIF is pissing me off. Your music automatically starting at the same time as 3 other music players in your comments section is pissing me off. The 5 YouTube videos I have to scroll past to get to your bio aint helpin'. Get it together.

Facebook's interface is simple, straight to the point, uniform and easy to navigate. It works like a professional business card. I think folks got tired of all the extra visuals on MySpace and appreciate the breath of fresh air FB is blowin'.

3. Fuck all them Ads
I don't want to log in to my personal profile and get assaulted by ads for Carrot Top's new music video, Jessica Simpson breastfeeding a koala, or a fucking full-length trailer for Icecapades "Cypress Hill on Ice : The Opera". Shut the fuck up already!

I go to Facebook, all I see is that plain ass map with the bathroom logos on it. I type in my login shit and I'm in. I'm on my page, and there's no video game contest challenging me to run away from a frenzied gorilla so I can win a shit-for-parts laptop. There's no "press the red button and do more pushups" so I can win a pair of digital boxer briefs after I take a 40 minute survey and subscribe to Hustler and National Geographic. Don't ask me how I know all this stuff.


4. Integration, Integration, Integration

Yes, I would like very much for this blog post to go up on my Facebook page when I publish it. That's very nice of you, Facebook people.

Oh, what's that you say? I can have a page from my music profile featured on my Facebook, too? Oh, you're too kind.

Huh? I can link YouTube videos to my folks without having to spend time sending an email? You've really outdone yourself, guys. You really shouldn't have.

Later for MySpace, baby....Twitter, that's for the birds... I'm with you, Facebook. At least until some better shit comes along.

*leaves to twitter about blogging about facebooking*